Blog 4: Masculinity as Homophobia

I found this to be an interesting read for a few reasons. Kimmel brought up excellent points and ideas about masculinity in American society. I was pretty interested in the Marketplace Man. The Heroic Artisan and the Genteel Patriarch seem like nice guys; Marketplace Man seems to have some priorities out of order. The article said he was generally, "an absentee landlord at home and an absent father with his children, devoting himself to his work in an increasingly homosocial environment- a male-only world in which he pits himself against other men" (123). There's no denying this, I feel like. If we look at the successful business men we know, this is true for a lot of them. I think this also sheds some negativity onto these men too when it might not always be the case. When I see the absent father bit, that makes me think those guys don't give a damn about their families. But then I stopped to think. My dad worked in Boston while his family lived in Dracut, which meant about three hours of travel a day because he took the train into the city from Lowell. He had been doing that for 32 years even though he had three kids at home, one of them severely disabled. It's not that he didn't want to be home or didn't care about his family, but he did what needed to be done in order to continue being successful. If you ever asked me if my father did all this in order to impress other men, I probably would have laughed. But now, I'm not so sure.

Psychologist Robert Brannon has four phrases (125-126) that he believes make up the definition of manhood. They are all so true. It's like every boy on his ten birthday gets sat down and explained these rules by the Manhood Monster and is threatened to follow them for the rest of his life. The one that bugs me the most is the one where boys aren't supposed to show emotion and not cry. I keep thinking that someday most guys will get over this but I am really starting to doubt it. Sure they might break down when no one else is looking, but if another guy is around, forget. It's too bad because it's really not healthy to keep things bottled up. They are so set on not letting emotions show and not talking about them they don't realize that there is a way around the pain. But the biggest issue is the first rule, that expressed men should not be at all feminine. For some reason this is the most important. But this also brings up an interesting point: "This notion of anti-femininity lies at the heart of contemporary and historical conceptions of manhood, so that masculinity is defined more by what one is not rather than who one is" (126). Simply, manhood is not feminine. Any ounce of feminine means you are not masculine. I always thought that when people ask me to describe myself or someone else, you talk about what  IS, not what is NOT. I feel like this almost takes away from the person that male is because we're so focused on making sure he's not what he's not supposed to be.

I was really interested in this statement: "We become masculine by identifying with our oppressor" (130). This was following the segment about Freud's opinion on the topic. I never thought of the son being afraid of the father and identifying with him as an oppressor. This really shakes up the family ideals a lot of us have. I'm not sure if I want to believe Freud on this one, but anything could be possible.

I identified with this one a lot: "Our fears are the sources of our silences, and men's silence is what keeps the system running. This might help to explain why women often complain that their male friends or partners are often so understanding when they are alone and yet laugh at sexist jokes or even make those jokes themselves when they are out with a group" (131). This drives me absolutely crazy. Yeah, sure. Some sexist jokes are funny. But when they spew out of a guy's mouth nonstop and they generally get more and more offensive, it's time to stop. I don't take offense to most jokes because I know they do not pertain to me. However, that certainly doesn't mean I like hearing them. They get old real fast and become annoying. When people I know take things too far I always try to ask: who are you trying to impress? It never occurred to me how much guys want to impress each other. Perhaps it goes along with maturity. They say that women mature faster than men. Speaking for myself, I generally don't care the opinions people have of me. Of course there are moments when I care a lot and do things I wouldn't ordinarily do. But there are boundaries I will stay in. For guys, there are no boundaries. They will do whatever whenever (for the most part) to impress and fit in with other dudes.

This article was based on masculinity in American society. So I am walking away with a question. What about masculinity in other societies that treat non-males poorly? Will those men shoot a young girl in the head because she wants to be educated all to impress so other male higher up? I understand that some men view these acts of terror almost as a job or they do it because someone important told them to. But it's still unclear to me.